If there’s one thing you know about me, it is that I hate talking bad about people. But the “Sandwich Artist” on Main Street is a fucking retard. And I don’t mean that as a euphemism. I’m just lucky that the peach-fuzz moustache on his man-child upper-lip caught the snot dribbling from his nose before it leaked all over my sandwich. Wait, did I say sandwich? I meant cold-cut salad in a bread bowl with mayonnaise and mustard dressing. This is the only time in my experience of ordering Subway sandwiches that I have had to go over a “Sandwich Artist”’s head and complain to management because I honestly thought that the chaos he had shoved into a bag with napkins would explode in my backpack on the way back to work. I’m sure he keeps his room clean and is kind to others at the Halfway House, but that doesn’t mean I want him preparing my food.
And to the 20 year old white guy I passed on my way back to work who was wearing a leather jacket and a doo-rag, what, did they have like a totally wicked ahsome sale at the outlet mall?
Often I like to wait until the afternoon to grant the highly coveted CCHOD award. It’s not always obvious that a headline is going to be the front-runner by the end of the day, because what if something even more interesting happens? Like, maybe you see a headline in the morning that reads “Woman Cannot Find Keys For Hours” and that’s pretty fascinating, but if you wait until the afternoon you might find “Planters Forced to Apologize for ‘You’ll Love Sucking Our Nuts’ Campaign” and the choice is obvious.
Today, though, the Corporate Casual Headline of the Day came early, and it came with authority. Even with the most obvious winner, there is always the fear that it will be overshadowed by the afternoon’s events. Not this time, my friends:
“Pregnant Debra Messing Craves Everything”
(taken from the New York Times)
I’m not even going to comment on this one, lest I tarnish its perfection.